In a world where meaningful conversations shape our relationships, we often struggle to connect authentically and lead effectively. Understanding and applying our “Use of Self” helps bridge this gap. By being more aware of ourselves, others, and our surroundings, we can engage in more impactful and genuine conversations.
Introduction
The “Use of Self” is a concept that has a universal resonance across various disciplines, including psychology, social work, organizational development, coaching, journalism, and even legal practice. Each field might define it differently, but at its core, “Use of Self” involves recognizing and using our strengths, experiences, and qualities to perform more effectively in our roles.
This practice transcends professional boundaries; it’s relevant to every aspect of our lives. Whether we are leading a team, counseling a client, reporting a story, or defending a case, we bring our entire selves—our values, beliefs, skills, and even our imperfections—into every interaction. By intentionally using these attributes, we can create deeper connections, solve problems more effectively, and work toward our goals more authentically.
The journey of “Use of Self” invites us to be more than just individuals performing a task; it encourages us to be fully engaged, authentic, and effective in all our interactions. By embracing this practice, we develop the ability to reflect on our actions, understand how we impact others, and adapt in ways that improve both our personal and professional relationships.
Definition
Each of us is a unique blend of characteristics—our personality, beliefs, knowledge, values, attitudes, skills, habits, and identities. This combination defines who we are and how we interact with the world around us.
“Use of Self” refers to the deliberate and thoughtful use of these individual qualities to become more effective in various life contexts, whether within our personal relationships, professional roles, or wider community engagement.
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The concept of “Use of Self” is also often referred to as “Self as an Instrument.” Just as a musician uses their instrument to create music, we can learn to use our minds, bodies, and experiences as tools to engage and work more effectively with others.
Searching for “Use of Self” or “Self as an Instrument” online will yield diverse perspectives from various fields. While some discussions can be complex and technical, the essence of the concept is simple.
1. Understanding Human Nature
We begin by recognizing the complexities of human behavior, including the psychological and neurological factors that shape our actions and decisions. By understanding what it means to be human, we gain a foundation that helps us navigate relationships and situations more effectively. This knowledge allows us to anticipate reactions, understand underlying motivations, and respond in ways that build stronger connections.
2. Understanding Ourselves
Self-awareness is crucial for personal growth and effective interaction with others. We must be deeply aware of our own traits, habits, emotions, strengths, and areas where we can improve. This self-knowledge enables us to manage our responses better and commit to continuous self-improvement. By striving to understand ourselves, we become better equipped to handle challenges and opportunities in a way that reflects our true values and goals.
3. Understanding Others
Building meaningful relationships requires us to understand the unique motivations and perspectives of the people we interact with. We acknowledge that each person is distinct, and by appreciating these differences, we can connect more deeply and work together more effectively. Empathy and an appreciation for diversity are key in allowing us to collaborate, resolve conflicts, and create shared solutions that benefit everyone involved.
4. Applying Our Abilities
The true value of “Use of Self” comes to life when we apply our unique qualities to achieve our goals and positively impact those around us. It’s about taking our self-awareness, our understanding of human nature, and our insights into others and putting them into action. By doing so, we build relationships, collaborate effectively, and create environments where we can all succeed. This application of our abilities is where we see the power of “Use of Self” in action, making a tangible difference in our work, our communities, and our lives.
Use of Self in Conversational Leadership
At the heart of Conversational Leadership is the ability to lead through meaningful dialogue. This form of leadership emphasizes relationship-building, fostering mutual understanding, and co-creating new possibilities with others. The “Use of Self” plays a crucial role in this process, as it enhances our capacity to connect with, engage, and influence others more genuinely.
In practice, “Use of Self” within Conversational Leadership means consciously employing our personal qualities—our experiences, emotions, and values—in our interactions. Developing self-awareness enables us to recognize how our thoughts, feelings, and communication styles impact the flow and outcomes of conversations. This understanding allows us to guide discussions in ways that are both authentic and impactful.
By integrating “Use of Self,” we learn to bring our entire being into conversations. We show up as open, honest, and sometimes vulnerable, which builds trust and encourages others to do the same. Such authenticity fosters an environment where everyone feels valued, leading to more profound and meaningful dialogue.
Awareness in Use of Self
A crucial aspect of “Use of Self” involves cultivating various forms of awareness that guide how we interact with ourselves, others, and our environment. These awareness types—Self-awareness, Relationship Awareness, and Context Awareness—are interconnected and help us navigate our interactions more effectively.
1. Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the foundation of “Use of Self.” It means recognizing how our unique characteristics, past experiences, and biases shape our interactions. This involves understanding our communication styles, strengths, limitations, and emotional responses, allowing us to cultivate more positive outcomes. Self-awareness is a continuous process of reflection and self-discovery, leading to personal growth and more effective relationships.
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2. Relationship Awareness
Relationship Awareness is about developing an understanding of “how we exist in relation to others.” It builds upon self-awareness by emphasizing how we connect with those around us. This form of awareness helps us recognize how our behaviors, attitudes, and emotions impact our relationships, enabling us to interact more effectively and build stronger connections.
3. Context Awareness
Context Awareness involves understanding the environment or situation we find ourselves in and how it influences our behavior and interactions. It requires us to be mindful of questions like:
- Who am I in this moment, and how am I evolving from one moment to the next?
- How do I relate to others right now? Which aspects belong to me, which to the other person, and which are part of the relationship itself?
- What context are we in? Are we in a formal business setting, a casual family gathering, or another environment entirely?
This awareness helps us adapt and respond appropriately to the changing dynamics of any situation, ensuring our actions align with the context we’re in.
Practicing in the Here and Now
“Practicing in the here and now” means being fully present and aware of the current moment. We often find ourselves discussing the past or future, but “Use of Self” encourages us to remain present. This can be challenging, but it significantly enhances the impact of our conversations.
Conclusion
In the context of Conversational Leadership, integrating “Use of Self” is not just about enhancing our individual effectiveness; it’s about fostering a more collaborative and impactful environment. By deeply understanding ourselves, others, and the context in which we operate, we can lead conversations that build stronger connections and create more meaningful outcomes. This journey of continuous learning and growth empowers us to be more intentional, authentic, and effective in our leadership roles, ultimately contributing to the success and well-being of everyone involved.
Start practicing the “Use of Self” by being more aware of your thoughts, emotions, and how you interact with others. Notice how you respond in different situations and adjust your approach to connect more effectively. This mindful practice will help you build stronger relationships and lead conversations that truly matter.
Credit: This post has been influenced by the work of John Hovell.
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Detailed Resources
- Article: Embodied Cognition by Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy (2021)
Posts that link to this post
- Introduction: Practicing Conversational Leadership Anyone can practice conversational leadership
- Conversational Leadership Framework ** A framework to help understand the concept
- The Jazz of Conversations Drawing Parallels Between Jazz Improv and Conversations
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