Make Big Talk Make big talk not small talk

Make Big talk: We are all familiar with small talk. But what’s big talk? No, not boasting, bragging, or talking big, but big talk — deep, genuine, meaningful conversations.  

What is big talk?

Let me start by acknowledging and crediting Kalina Silverman, her Make Big Talk movement, and the term big talk.

Big talk usually means boasting or bragging, but Kalina uses it in contrast to small talk.

Small Talk – polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters.

Big talk – deep, meaningful conversation about important issues that also helps you get to know the other person better.

I am sure Kalina is not the first to use the term this way, but her work has inspired me to adopt the expression.

I like the phrase; it is short and catchy, easy to remember, and stands in contrast with more serious conversation in contrast with conversation for its own sake – small talk.

It is not that I am denigrating small talk – it has its place, and any conversation is a fluid mix of the two.

Why make big talk?

Big talk aims to get to know other people better – to understand them at a deeper level.

You might ask, “That makes sense for someone I know and care about, but what about a stranger?”

Well, the more we get to understand each other better, especially strangers, people of different nationalities, different ethnic roots, different religions, different sexual preferences, different educational levels, different income levels, and various political beliefs, the better we get to understand ourselves and the whole of humanity.

Why is that important? The better we know each other — the less likely we are to fight and the more likely we are to collaborate to respond to the innumerable problems we face in this increasingly complex world, both at a personal and a global level.

How do you initiate big talk?

Big talk – deep, meaningful conversations that help you better understand other people. But how do you initiate a big talk conversation? You do it one-on-one or in a group with a big talk question.

What are Big Talk questions?

Kalina Silverman describes three attributes of a big talk question:

• Universal – Any human being could answer it. It doesn’t matter what external factors define them.
• Open-ended – Elicits more than just a yes/no response. There is an opportunity to hear a story.
• Meaningful – Skips the small talk. By asking the question, you can delve beneath the surface.

To which I would add:

• Timeless, the question would have made as much sense to Socrates as it would to you today.

How do you sustain big talk?

Who is making big talk?

Many organizations bring people together to have conversations, but most of these are more social events. There are not so many focused explicitly on big talk.

Here are just a few;

• Kalina Silverman is making big talk. Her Big Talk Guide explains how you can do it yourself.
• Theodore Zeldin is making big talk with his Conservation Dinners. Something else you can do for yourself.
• Vertellis: Less small talk, more genuine conversations
• Small2BIG TALK: Life-Affirming Conversation
• Vienna Coffeehouse Conversations
• Conversation Salons: Connecting people, one conversation at a time
• Georgie Nightingall is making big talk at Trigger Conversations in London.
• I am making big talk in my Knowledge Cafés. Once again, you can do this for yourselves.

I am sure many others also make big talk in their own ways.

You don’t need a process; whenever you have a conversation, you can make big talk rather than small talk, any time you choose.

Resources

• Article: Small Talk, Big Talk, and Meaningful Conversation

Tweet This

• Big talk – no, not boasting, bragging, or talking big, but big talk – deep, genuine, meaningful conversations. When did you last engage in big talk? #BigTalk

Things Todo

• Reflect: When did you last consciously turn a small-talk conversation into a big-talk one?

Posts that link to this post

•  Talk More The essence of Conversational Leadership is to talk with people more
•  Intimate Conversations Conversations with strangers
•  Talk with Strangers Why and how should you talk with strangers?
•  Theodore Zeldin’s Conversation Dinners Dinner and a stimulating conversation with a stranger

POST NAVIGATION

CHAPTER NAVIGATION

SEARCH