Gossip and Lashon Hara Conversation about other people

An interesting conundrum arises when considering the Jewish religious law forbidding Lashon Hara (speaking derogatorily about someone) and building social trust through gossip. Why would Jewish religious law consider gossip bad while anthropologists consider it good?

The Conundrum

Speaking Lashon Hara in Jewish religious law is considered bad because of the harm it can cause. At the same time, the anthropologist Robin Dunbar (and many other anthropologists) see gossip as beneficial — an instrument of social order and cohesion (Grooming, Gossip, and the Evolution of Language) — a form of vocal grooming that is positive and may even have been the driver in the evolution of human language.

Resolution of the Contradiction

The resolution of this contradiction lies in examining the meaning of the word “gossip”.

Gossip in everyday language is often seen as negative and derogatory, thus equivalent to speaking Lashon Hara.

Here, for example, are two dictionary definitions of gossip:

Conversation or reports about other people’s private lives that might be unkind, disapproving, or not true.

Credit: Cambridge Dictionary

Gossip is conversation that’s light, informal, and usually about other people’s business.

Credit: Vocabulary.com

The second definition makes it clear that gossip is not necessarily derogatory.

Given this definition, some research (Who Gossips and How in Everyday life) shows that, on average, gossip is:

• 15% negative
• 75% neutral
• 10% positive

If the research is valid, then Lashon Hara comprises only 15% of gossip, and a full 85% of gossip is neutral or positive.

So gossip can be seen overall as good, and if the anthropologists are right, it strengthens social bonds and societal trust.

The 15% derogatory gossip (Lashon Hara) has a small (in percentage terms) downside but a high negative impact and is something we should avoid.

So we should not equate Lashon Hara with gossip but liken it to “malicious or harmful gossip.”

Jewish advice on speech ethics

Interestingly, Jewish advice on speech ethics is that unnecessary gossip should be discouraged. We should minimize the amount we say about others, even if it is complimentary, as we never know how this might inadvertently cause harm.

Notes on gossip

• Other research such as  Gossip, reputation, and social adaptation shows that 80% of all our conversations can be classified as gossip, which is an intriguing statistic.
• You should be careful when reading about gossip as there are different views concerning its meaning in addition to the one noted above. Some researchers, for example, define gossip as a conversation between two people about someone they know and that it is not gossip if they talk about a celebrity they don’t know.

Detailed Resources

• Big Think: Humanity solved the “trust paradox” by going tribal — and paid a horrific price by David R. Samson (2023)
• Blog Post: Human Systems Are Almost Always Based On Trust by Dave Pollard (2023)
• HBR: Rethinking Trust by Roderick M. Kramer (2009)

Posts that link to this post

•  Do Not Speak Lashon Hara Evil tongue
•  Lashon Hara Jewish religious term for derogatory speech

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