Chapter: Conversational Leadership Habits

Whether in conversation we generally agree or disagree with others is largely a matter of habit: the one tendency makes as much sense as the other.

Credit: Friedrich Nietzsche

To practice Conversational Leadership, it is essential to understand the difference between Conversational Leadership mindset, skills, habits, and methods.

A Conversational Leadership mindset is our mental attitudes, approaches, or ways of thinking about practicing Conversational Leadership. Our beliefs, values, and experiences shape it, impacting our ability to hold productive conversations and practice effective leadership.

Conversational Leadership skills involve facilitating open and constructive conversations, actively listening, building trust, and empowering others to collaborate towards shared goals.

Conversational Leadership habits are how we use those abilities daily, such as avoiding judgment, showing empathy, and being present in a conversation. We develop these habits and tendencies over time through repeated actions and experiences.

Conversational Leadership methods are structured conversational processes that bring a group of people together to discuss a topic or an issue.

Developing our Conversational Leadership mindset, skills, habits, and methods improves our ability to lead and communicate effectively.

In this chapter, I look at some of the habitual ways we communicate face-to-face and practice Conversational Leadership.

Conversational Leadership Skills

Conversational Leadership Methods

Introduction: Conversational Habits The habitual ways in which we practice Conversational Leadership

Avoid Anonymity Make Time to Talk Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Habits can be classified in various ways, but two commonly recognized ways are micro-habits and macro-habits. Micro-habits In the context of Conversational Leadership, a micro-habit is a small, often subconscious action that is regularly performed, which can positively or negatively impact a … Continue reading Introduction: Conversational Habits The habitual ways in which we practice Conversational Leadership

Make Time to Talk The lack of time for conversation is just an excuse

Introduction: Conversational Habits Talk More Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Make time to talk: One of the reasons we frequently give for not taking a more conversational approach to our work or life is a lack of time. Some of us even see conversation as a waste of time, but lack of time … Continue reading Make Time to Talk The lack of time for conversation is just an excuse

Talk More The essence of Conversational Leadership is to talk with people more

Make Time to Talk Talk with Strangers Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Talk More: How do you start to practice Conversational Leadership? That’s easy. Start talking. Talk more! Talk more An essential aspect of Conversational Leadership is to talk more, but of course, it is far more than that. By talking more, I don’t … Continue reading Talk More The essence of Conversational Leadership is to talk with people more

Talk with Strangers Why and how should you talk with strangers?

Talk More Make Big Talk Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Talk with strangers: As a child, we are taught not to talk with strangers, and as a 4-year-old with little experience of the world, this is sound advice. As an adult, however, talking with strangers can be rewarding. But why and how should … Continue reading Talk with Strangers Why and how should you talk with strangers?

Make Big Talk Make big talk not small talk

Talk with Strangers Connect More Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Make Big talk: We are all familiar with small talk. But what’s big talk? No, not boasting, bragging, or talking big, but big talk — deep, genuine, meaningful conversations. What is big talk? Let me start by acknowledging and crediting Kalina Silverman, … Continue reading Make Big Talk Make big talk not small talk

Connect More Connect more broadly, more deeply

Make Big Talk Connect People Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Connect more: Connect with people more broadly and more deeply. We are becoming more connected with each other and less connected with each other at the same time. The Paradox We are becoming more connected with each other and less connected with each … Continue reading Connect More Connect more broadly, more deeply

Connect People Purposefully connect people with each other

Connect More Eat with Others Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Connect people: Connect people with each other. No permission required Connecting people is a habit that needs no training, no resources, and no consent. It’s easy – we can start to connect people at any time. Whatsmore, we needn’t tell people that we are doing … Continue reading Connect People Purposefully connect people with each other

Eat with Others We should make it a priority to eat with others whenever possible

Connect People Construct Steel Positions Not Straw Ones Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Eat together: Our tendency to eat alone often leads to a lack of social interaction and the failure to develop strong relationships. We should make it a priority to eat with others whenever possible. We should not eat lunch alone … Continue reading Eat with Others We should make it a priority to eat with others whenever possible

Construct Steel Positions Not Straw Ones We need to learn to argue more effectively to get at the truth

Eat with Others Ask Questions ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Construct steel positions: We often employ a straw position to help win a disagreement when we should use a steel one. Straw Positions You may be familiar with the concept of a strawman position, often referred to as a straw man. To … Continue reading Construct Steel Positions Not Straw Ones We need to learn to argue more effectively to get at the truth

Ask Questions ** Be curious - ask more questions

Construct Steel Positions Not Straw Ones Converse in Good Faith Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter This post is just a stub for now, with a few resources shown below. I also have a post How to design powerful questions.that may be of interest. Resources FastCompany: Why we should embrace ‘radical curiosity’ and learn … Continue reading Ask Questions ** Be curious – ask more questions

Converse in Good Faith Be sincere, fair, open, and honest, regardless of the outcome

Ask Questions ** Say So, If We Don’t Have an Opinion Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Converse in good faith: Converse with the intent to be sincere, fair, open, and honest, regardless of the outcome of the interaction. Converse in good faith In human interactions, good faith is the intent to be sincere, … Continue reading Converse in Good Faith Be sincere, fair, open, and honest, regardless of the outcome

Say So, If We Don’t Have an Opinion It's perfectly OK to say ‘Sorry, I don’t know’

Converse in Good Faith Carpe Diem – Seize the Day Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter If we don’t have an opinion, we should say so: In our modern-day culture, it is almost illegal not to have an opinion on an issue, regardless of whether we know anything about it or not. Confident ignorant … Continue reading Say So, If We Don’t Have an Opinion It’s perfectly OK to say ‘Sorry, I don’t know’

Carpe Diem – Seize the Day Seize the day everyone

Say So, If We Don’t Have an Opinion Admit When We Are Wrong ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Carpe diem is a Latin aphorism, usually translated as “seize the day” or “pluck the day [as it is ripe]”. It is a philosophy that we should take more seriously. Seize the day or … Continue reading Carpe Diem – Seize the Day Seize the day everyone

Admit When We Are Wrong ** We find it difficult to admit when we are wrong

Carpe Diem – Seize the Day Speak Up Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Admit when we are wrong: We find it difficult to admit when we are wrong. Our relationships and personal development are negatively affected by this. What can we do to improve our ability to admit we’re wrong? We have a … Continue reading Admit When We Are Wrong ** We find it difficult to admit when we are wrong

Speak Up Express our opinions frankly and openly

Admit When We Are Wrong ** Speak Last Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Speak up: Many of us are afraid to speak up, especially to speak truth to power, and there are many barriers to being open and frank. In organizations, this results in bad decisions and, at a societal level, many wrongdoings that … Continue reading Speak Up Express our opinions frankly and openly

Speak Last Learn to be the last to speak

Speak Up Speak in Plain Language Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Speak last: If you want to genuinely understand others’ opinions, listen to them before expressing your views. If you are a senior manager, your role in meetings is pivotal. One effective strategy to maximize the productivity and creativity of these discussions is … Continue reading Speak Last Learn to be the last to speak

Speak in Plain Language We should use everyday natural language that everyone understands.

Speak Last Turn Monologues Into Dialogues Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Speak in plain language: The language of many professionals is highly specialized and full of unnecessary jargon. This alienates many laypeople and those in other disciplines. To communicate effectively, we should use everyday natural language that everyone understands. The language of academics, … Continue reading Speak in Plain Language We should use everyday natural language that everyone understands.

Turn Monologues Into Dialogues Talk with people rather than talk at them

Speak in Plain Language Take Responsibility for the Conversation ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Turn monologues into dialogues: Turn one-way communication into two-way conversations. Talk with people rather than at them. A monologue is a speech delivered by one person or a long one-sided conversation. However, a one-sided conversation cannot be considered … Continue reading Turn Monologues Into Dialogues Talk with people rather than talk at them

Take Responsibility for the Conversation ** We all need to take responsibility for the quality of our conversations

Turn Monologues Into Dialogues Speak with Less Conviction Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Take responsibility for the conversation: A few participants dominate many conversations, and as a result, there is no real engagement or energy in the discussion. How can this be resolved? The solution is for us all to take responsibility for … Continue reading Take Responsibility for the Conversation ** We all need to take responsibility for the quality of our conversations

Speak with Less Conviction Speaking with conviction inhibits learning

Take Responsibility for the Conversation ** Disagree Constructively Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Speak with less conviction: Persuading others is not easy. It is generally believed that we convince others by speaking with conviction. Is this effective? No, it isn’t. We shouldn’t talk with too much conviction if we want to persuade people. … Continue reading Speak with Less Conviction Speaking with conviction inhibits learning

Disagree Constructively How to disagree well

Speak with Less Conviction Reduce Emailing and Texting ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Disagree constructively: Disagreement is an inevitable part of life. Most of the time, we do it poorly. We need to learn to disagree constructively. How do we go about it? A simple disagreement hierarchy provides guidance. Disagreement is an … Continue reading Disagree Constructively How to disagree well

Reduce Emailing and Texting ** Start talking

Disagree Constructively Show Respect Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Reduce emailing and texting: Start talking and stop emailing and texting wherever appropriate and possible. Communicate face-to-face if possible; if not, make a video call; if not, make a phone call; if not, leave a voice message. Continue reading Reduce Emailing and Texting ** Start talking

Show Respect Failing to respect one another negatively impacts the future for all of us

Reduce Emailing and Texting ** Tell the Truth Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Show respect: We often show disrespect for people with whom we disagree. This is damaging to the relationship and society. However, we do not need to respect someone or their ideas to show them respect. The Problem When people disagree … Continue reading Show Respect Failing to respect one another negatively impacts the future for all of us

Tell the Truth Lies distort the world

Show Respect Listen to Ignite Thinking Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Tell the truth: Everyone lies. Some big lies, some small lies. Most of the time, individual lies do not matter; they are small and inconsequential. But larger, more public, persistent lies distort our view of the world and are dangerous. Many people … Continue reading Tell the Truth Lies distort the world

Listen to Ignite Thinking Listening is not a passive act - it's a powerful act of creation

Tell the Truth Listen Empathically ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Listen to ignite thinking: We tend to think of listening as a passive act. This is a mistake. Listening is not passive. It’s a powerful act of creation. Twenty or more years ago, I came across this statement from Stephen Covey in … Continue reading Listen to Ignite Thinking Listening is not a passive act – it’s a powerful act of creation

Listen Empathically ** Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply

Listen to Ignite Thinking Listen with the Intent to Understand Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. Credit: Stephen R. Covey, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People Resources Using empathic listening to collaborate by Stephen R. Covey Continue reading Listen Empathically ** Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply

Listen with the Intent to Understand Don't listen with the intent to reply

Listen Empathically ** Don’t Discourage Dissent Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Listen with the intent to understand: Don’t listen with the intent to judge or reply. We all appreciate the benefits of listening, such as listening to ignite other people’s thinking, but most of us are not that good at it. As Stephen … Continue reading Listen with the Intent to Understand Don’t listen with the intent to reply

Don’t Discourage Dissent Fear, uncertainty and doubt are good things

Listen with the Intent to Understand Don’t Give Advice Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Don’t Discourage Dissent: Many view conflict as bad and try suppressing it, but disagreement is healthy. It is an opportunity to have a meaningful conversation, and we should encourage it. FUD – fear, uncertainty, and doubt. No, not the … Continue reading Don’t Discourage Dissent Fear, uncertainty and doubt are good things

Don’t Give Advice Especially when it is sought

Don’t Discourage Dissent Banter with Care Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Don’t give advice: At first thought, the idea that providing personal advice is a bad thing, especially when sought, seems rather strange. It may seem reasonable not to offer advice when it is not requested. But when it is sought? If people … Continue reading Don’t Give Advice Especially when it is sought

Banter with Care Banter: the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks

Don’t Give Advice Stop Ditting Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Banter with care: Banter is the playful exchange of teasing remarks. Banter is the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks. Credit: Oxford Dictionary I love gentle banter; it is a beautiful, fun form of conversation. It is very English, but most cultures … Continue reading Banter with Care Banter: the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks

Stop Ditting Ditting is the dubious art of trumping the previous person's story

Banter with Care Hold Strong Opinions Weakly ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Stop ditting: Why, in conversation, do we not only listen with the intent to reply but the intent to dit – to trump the other person’s story? In conversation, ditting is the dubious art of sharing anecdotes while trying to … Continue reading Stop Ditting Ditting is the dubious art of trumping the previous person’s story

Hold Strong Opinions Weakly ** I have no doctrine, I carry on a dialogue

Stop Ditting Don’t Give Speeches Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter I have my views. Some I hold firmly, some I do not. All of them, every one of them, I am open to being questioned about. And I reserve the right to change my opinion. We all have views, our perspectives, our biases. I … Continue reading Hold Strong Opinions Weakly ** I have no doctrine, I carry on a dialogue

Don’t Give Speeches Convene conversations

Hold Strong Opinions Weakly ** Avoid Anonymity Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Don’t give speeches: Convene conversations. The dominant presentation style is the PowerPoint talk in a traditional presentation, either at a conference or an internal organizational meeting. The speaker talks for a short time, supported by a PowerPoint presentation, and then a … Continue reading Don’t Give Speeches Convene conversations

Avoid Anonymity Anonymity kills the conversation

Don’t Give Speeches Introduction: Conversational Habits Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Avoid anonymity: In online discussion forums, you often have the option to post anonymously rather than in your own name. Is this a good idea or not? There are several ways in which we express our ideas or have discussions while hiding who … Continue reading Avoid Anonymity Anonymity kills the conversation

Conversational Leadership Skills

Conversational Leadership Methods