Chapter: The Power of Conversation


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Conversation is the way that humans have always thought together. In conversation we discover shared meaning. It is the primal human organizing tool.

Even in the corridors of power, very little real action happens in debate, but rather in the side rooms, the hallways, the lunches, the times away from the ritual spaces of authority and in the relaxed spaces of being human.

In all of our design of meetings, engagement, planning or whatever, if you aren't building conversation into the process, you will not benefit from the collective power and wisdom of humans thinking together.

These are not 'soft' processes. This is how wars get started and how wars end. It's how money is made, lives started, freedom realized. It is the core human organizing competency.

Credit: Meg Wheatley


In this chapter, I explore the power of conversation. The chapter consists of an electric mix of insights into the nature and power of conversation.


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Introduction: the Power of Conversation A powerful, adaptable human technology

What Is the Difference Between Rhetoric and Oracy? What Is a Real Conversation? Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Conversation is a form of interactive, spontaneous communication between two or more people. Typically it occurs in spoken communication, as written exchanges are usually not referred to as conversations. The development of conversational skills and … Continue reading Introduction: the Power of Conversation A powerful, adaptable human technology

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What Is a Real Conversation? There is more to conversation than just talking or exchanging messages

Introduction: the Power of Conversation The Language of Conversation and Speech Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter What is a conversation? Is an argument or a debate a conversation? Is an exchange of SMS messages a conversation? You might argue they are. But a real conversation is something special. So what makes a real … Continue reading What Is a Real Conversation? There is more to conversation than just talking or exchanging messages

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The Language of Conversation and Speech Meanings of words describing conversation and speech

What Is a Real Conversation? The Value of Conversation ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Numerous words or phrases describe the varied forms of conversation and speech. This page lists some of the more common ones in alphabetic order.  Posts that link to this post The Language of Conversation and Speech Digging into their … Continue reading The Language of Conversation and Speech Meanings of words describing conversation and speech

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The Purposes of Conversation Real conversation serves one or more purposes

The Value of Conversation ** Conversational Capacities Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Real conversation serves one or more purposes. In The Patterns of Effective Conversation, Dave Pollard lists ten generic purposes of conversation. The list below is an adaptation of his list, in which I have modified or expanded some of the descriptions and … Continue reading The Purposes of Conversation Real conversation serves one or more purposes

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Conversational Capacities Prerequisites to a good conversation

The Purposes of Conversation Levels of Conversation ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter To have a productive conversation, participants must possess several conversational capacities. In two articles, Conversation and Silence, Part One, and Conversations That Matter: What It Takes to Have Them, Dave Pollard lists seven prerequisites or capacities for an effective or real conversation – one … Continue reading Conversational Capacities Prerequisites to a good conversation

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Levels of Conversation ** Four levels of conversation

Conversational Capacities Dialogue Vs Debate ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Introduction Conversations can be categorized according to level in many ways, depending on the purpose of the categorization. For example, how different styles of conversation can help nurture stronger relationships. Sense-making levels My four levels of sense-making conversations: Level 1 – hostile … Continue reading Levels of Conversation ** Four levels of conversation

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Conversation Is More Than Communication Conversation shapes our lives

Life Is a Conversation ** The Difference Between Dialogue and Debate ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Face-to-face conversation is far more than just communication. When we have a conversation, we don’t just exchange information. That’s what computers do. It’s not what people do. People filter, interpret, and elaborate on what they hear. … Continue reading Conversation Is More Than Communication Conversation shapes our lives

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The Difference Between Dialogue and Debate ** In dialogue, finding common ground is the goal while in debate, winning is the goal

Conversation Is More Than Communication The Jazz of Conversations Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter We often say we need to debate something – especially in the political world – when what we really need is a dialogue. But what is the difference between dialogue and debate? Dialogue is collaborative: two or more sides … Continue reading The Difference Between Dialogue and Debate ** In dialogue, finding common ground is the goal while in debate, winning is the goal

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The Jazz of Conversations Drawing Parallels Between Jazz Improv and Conversations

The Difference Between Dialogue and Debate ** Meetings and Conversations Serve Two Purposes Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter With increasing polarization in society, effective communication that fosters connection and understanding is essential. Jazz improvisation and conversation share key similarities, such as spontaneity, collaboration, and creativity. Recognizing these parallels can provide insights into having … Continue reading The Jazz of Conversations Drawing Parallels Between Jazz Improv and Conversations

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Meetings and Conversations Serve Two Purposes There is a second purpose to any meeting which we often overlook

The Jazz of Conversations Why Face-to-face Interaction Matters ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Meetings or, more generally, conversations serve two purposes. The first is obvious, and that is to fulfill their aim. The second is less obvious and is usually neglected. It is to engage each other, improve relationships, and foster a sense … Continue reading Meetings and Conversations Serve Two Purposes There is a second purpose to any meeting which we often overlook

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Why Face-to-face Interaction Matters ** Our social life is essential to our wellbeing and health

Meetings and Conversations Serve Two Purposes Orality ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter The Italian island of Sardinia has more than six times as many centenarians as the mainland and ten times as many as North America. Why? According to longevity researcher, Susan Pinker, it’s not a sunny disposition or a low-fat, gluten-free … Continue reading Why Face-to-face Interaction Matters ** Our social life is essential to our wellbeing and health

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Orality ** The practice of transmitting knowledge, culture, and traditions through spoken language

Why Face-to-face Interaction Matters ** Friends with Cognitive Benefits Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Before the widespread use of writing, oral communication was the primary method of sharing knowledge and culture in society. This oral tradition is called orality. Orality refers to the quality or characteristic of being oral or spoken rather than … Continue reading Orality ** The practice of transmitting knowledge, culture, and traditions through spoken language

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Friends with Cognitive Benefits Engaging in short friendly conversations improves people's thinking

Orality ** Verbal Judo ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Research shows that engaging in short friendly conversations boosts people’s performance on a variety of cognitive tasks. A study in 2011 by researchers at the University of Michigan tested 192 undergraduates to determine which types of social interaction helped and which didn’t. The … Continue reading Friends with Cognitive Benefits Engaging in short friendly conversations improves people’s thinking

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Verbal Judo ** Using one's words to prevent, de-escalate, or end an attempted assault.

Friends with Cognitive Benefits Cognitive Diversity Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Verbal self-defense, also known as verbal judo,is defined as using one’s words to prevent, de-escalate, or end an attempted assault. It is a way of using words as a way to maintain your mental and emotional safety. This kind of “conflict management” … Continue reading Verbal Judo ** Using one’s words to prevent, de-escalate, or end an attempted assault.

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Cognitive Diversity Seeing and processing the world differently

Verbal Judo ** Contra-conversations ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter When thinking about organizations or teams, we most commonly think about diversity in terms of gender, race, or age. But there is another form of diversity that is often overlooked – cognitive diversity. Cognitive diversity is where a team or organizational members have … Continue reading Cognitive Diversity Seeing and processing the world differently

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Contra-conversations **

Cognitive Diversity Turn-taking in Conversation Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter We all have our beliefs. Some held firmly; some held not so tightly. Some true, some false Some we are prepared to change. For others, we are prepared to die. One of my firmly held beliefs is that if we are going to … Continue reading Contra-conversations **

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Turn-taking in Conversation When we talk we take turns

Contra-conversations ** Conversation Theory ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Turn-taking is the practice of individuals in a conversation alternating speaking roles. It involves one person talking while others listen and then transitioning to the next speaker. This back-and-forth exchange enables effective communication and ensures everyone has an opportunity to contribute to the … Continue reading Turn-taking in Conversation When we talk we take turns

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Conversation Theory ** Gordon Pask

Turn-taking in Conversation Our Most Powerful Technology Is Conversation Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Pask’s Conversation Theory, developed by British cybernetician Gordon Pask in the 1970s, is a conceptual and theoretical framework that explores how learning occurs through conversations between two or more cognitive systems, which can be humans, machines, or a combination … Continue reading Conversation Theory ** Gordon Pask

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Our Most Powerful Technology Is Conversation Conversation - an overlooked human technology

Conversation Theory ** The Myth of Thamus and Theuth Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter What is the most powerful technology ever invented? Electricity, the Internet, nuclear power, the printing press or something different? In our business world, we are always looking for the next new transformative tool. Too often, we look to information … Continue reading Our Most Powerful Technology Is Conversation Conversation – an overlooked human technology

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The Myth of Thamus and Theuth Does writing allow the pretense of understanding, rather than true understanding?

Our Most Powerful Technology Is Conversation Our Brains Are Designed for Conversation Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter In Plato’s Phaedrus, Socrates shares the myth of Thamus and Theuth, questioning the invention of writing. Writing, he argues, weakens memory and offers the appearance of wisdom without true understanding. Socrates suggests that serious discourse using … Continue reading The Myth of Thamus and Theuth Does writing allow the pretense of understanding, rather than true understanding?

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Thinking Together Talking with each other beats talking to ourselves

Connecting Minds Hard Conversation Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter There are two conversations. The face-to-face external conversations we have with other people. And the silent internal conversations or inner conversations we have with ourselves, in our heads. Thinking and spoken discourse are the same thing, except that what we call thinking is, precisely, the inward … Continue reading Thinking Together Talking with each other beats talking to ourselves

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Let’s Have More Interesting Conversations It's our job

Hard Conversation Conversation Sharpens the Saw Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Who gets to decide what makes a useful conversation. You or your manager?  In the book The ClueTrain Manifesto, David Weinberger says: It’s always struck me that David didn’t say productive conversations or conversations with “hard outcomes” – he simply said interesting … Continue reading Let’s Have More Interesting Conversations It’s our job

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Organizational Conversation ** The conversation is the organization

Conversation Sharpens the Saw Bake Conversation Into All That We Do ** Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Conversation permeates our organizational lives. Organizational Conversation is the myriad of conversations that occur minute-to-minute every day within an organization. Conversations take place in formal settings such as meeting rooms, but often the more important ones … Continue reading Organizational Conversation ** The conversation is the organization

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Bake Conversation Into All That We Do ** There are so many ways to leverage conversation

Organizational Conversation ** Betrayed by Our Laughter Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Conversation is an extraordinary, powerful and adaptable tool that we can put to all manner of purposes. We can bake it into almost everything that we do. We can use conversation to: Transform the way that we communicate, coordinate and collaborate … Continue reading Bake Conversation Into All That We Do ** There are so many ways to leverage conversation

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Conversation Is Not a Panacea for All Our Problems ** But it goes a long way

Betrayed by Our Laughter Become a Conversation Architect Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter I often get criticized when I talk about the power of conversation. People conclude that I think conversation will solve all our problems, and nothing else is needed. Or that I am ruling out debate or other forms of human … Continue reading Conversation Is Not a Panacea for All Our Problems ** But it goes a long way

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Become a Conversation Architect A conversation architect designs and convenes conversations

Conversation Is Not a Panacea for All Our Problems ** Oracy Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Conversations occur spontaneously in various contexts with little or no thought about who should be involved or how they should be convened or managed. Spontaneous conversations are valuable, but it makes better sense to take a more … Continue reading Become a Conversation Architect A conversation architect designs and convenes conversations

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Oracy The ability to express oneself in and understand spoken language

Become a Conversation Architect Rhetoric Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter In education, considerable emphasis is placed on numeracy and literacy — understanding and working with numbers and reading and writing. But what about the capacity to listen and to speak? Why is so little importance attached to oracy? Is the ability to hold … Continue reading Oracy The ability to express oneself in and understand spoken language

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Rhetoric To influence people through speech or writing

Oracy What Is the Difference Between Rhetoric and Oracy? Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter Rhetoric is often construed as insincere or meaningless language that sounds clever. This is an unduly negative perspective. Rhetoric is a critical cognitive and communication skill. Introduction Simply put, the purpose of rhetoric is to influence people through speech … Continue reading Rhetoric To influence people through speech or writing

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What Is the Difference Between Rhetoric and Oracy? Rhetoric is monologue, oracy is dialogue

Rhetoric Introduction: the Power of Conversation Close Pop-up all posts in this chapter On the face of it, rhetoric and oracy would seem the same, but although they have much in common, they have some significant differences. What is the difference between rhetoric and oracy? At first thought, the two ideas may seem the same … Continue reading What Is the Difference Between Rhetoric and Oracy? Rhetoric is monologue, oracy is dialogue