We Should Think Carefully Before Speaking Up! Speaking up is as likely to cause conflict and resentment as it is to address a real injustice

We should all speak up more, should we not?

In an email to me recently, my good friend David Creelman in Toronto made what initially seemed to be the non-sensical idea that we should avoid “speaking up”. In his words:

Speaking up is as likely to cause conflict and resentment as it is to address a real injustice.

I asked him to explain his reasoning, and this was his reply:

I think individuals should consider the range of outcomes, both positive and negative, that could occur from

#1 Not speaking up
#2 Speaking up in the way that first comes to mind
#3 Speaking up after having thought about it

It is surprising, maybe disappointing, how often #1 is the right way to go since the harm of speaking up outweighs the benefits–or that we just don’t know enough about the situation to be confident that we should risk the harm.

#2 can be risky.

#3 is strong since it can lead to #1 when appropriate, or simply a more effective way of phrasing what you say, to whom, and when

Let’s be clear about the possible harms: getting an innocent person in trouble because your perspective was wrong, rupturing relationships, or creating a climate of fear. These should not be taken lightly.

I think there is much truth in this, and the issue has gotten my attention – one of the advantages of having a wise friend who is prepared to question accepted wisdom.

David went on to explain that he feels most people do follow point #3 – “Think before you speak up”. The deeper concern is that if you strongly encourage speaking up, you risk empowering people who are not thoughtful or vindictive to go around “speaking up” about every little thing they see.

I look forward to furthering my conversation with David on this topic and updating the post in my blook on speaking up, which is still a “work in progress”.

Speaking up, speaking out and speaking truth to power are critical conversational leadership skills, especially when initiating change. But we need to engage in them with care.

Tweet of the Month July 2022

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