We don’t have a good word for engaging in a non-hostile disagreement with the shared aim of moving the participants towards a new understanding, better decision or new idea.
- Debate implies a competition with winners and losers.
- Argument comes tinged with animosity.
- Dialogue is too bland.
- Dialectic is too obscure.
We talk about argument as if it is war: we say that her claims are indefensible, that he attacked the weakest point of my thesis, that I demolished his argument, that she shot down my idea .
We see the person we are arguing with as an enemy who must be defeated.
It’s possible though to experience argument, very differently.
Instead of finding it stressful and unpleasant, we can find it stimulating and enjoyable.
Instead of driving us apart, it could draw us together.
Credit: Ian Leslie
Source: Conflicted (Slightly adapted from page 22 of the book Conflicted (paperback edition) by Ian Leslie)Posts where this quotation is embedded
- Conflicted: Why Arguments Are Tearing Us Apart and How They Can Bring Us Together by Ian Leslie (2021)
Quotations: Ian Leslie (1)
Videos: Ian Leslie (1)
Image Credits: Pixabay
(Pixabay)In-person, 7–11 September 2026
Warbrook House, Hampshire, UK
We are living and working in conditions of uncertainty, complexity, and rapid change. This week-long workshop with David Gurteen and John Hovell offers a space to practise Conversational Leadership as a shared, lived experience.